does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
