Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
