There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
