today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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