can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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