I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
