Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
