When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
