I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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