Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
