I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
