allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize