You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
