Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
