Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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