Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
