you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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