hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
