dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
