I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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