I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
