Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I sprained my soul last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
is that a dick in a sweater?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
