Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
