So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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