why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
