the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
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I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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