I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
