i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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