after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
