Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
