bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
