Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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