I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
