Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Blood and glitter go together right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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