I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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