i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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