i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
