They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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