last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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