I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
