and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize