Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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