When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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