This is not my ceiling
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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