I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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