Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
