Apparently you make a good broom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
