dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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