I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
