I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
