One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
