I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
