the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
