I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So vagazzling was a success
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
