is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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