I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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