You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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