I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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