The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
