Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
