I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby