i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.