I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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