I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?